Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Moving On

Chemical pregnancy on the last try.

I totally knew something was up with this last cycle. I went from super strong symptoms, to less strong symptoms, to no symptoms. I also went from a super faint positive line to a negative, so I was not too shocked.

That said, we are done trying this way. Or rather, I am done trying this way.

It seems my loving husband, as he put it, put all his eggs in the basket that just trying naturally would eventually work. So he's been giving me a lot of lip service since last summer when I asked him if we could explore other options. Apparently, he didn't think it would be necessary, and never gave it the brain space.


We are not giving up entirely. By this summer we will be moving on to something else - more reproductive medicine, adoption, surrogacy, SOMETHING.

My personal desire is to move to adoption. I don't think I ever want to pee on another stick, take hormonal medicine or endure another test. Not to mention the fact that there is no guarantee that IVF or even surrogacy would work, because we have no idea what's wrong.

IVF is by far the cheapest option ($2,400 if we can get insurance on board, $6,000 if we cannot) but I really DO NOT WANT to do it. I've agreed that I will talk to the RE, however, if my husband decides he feels strongly about it. I'm just convinced it will be a very expensive loss.

If we do move on to adoption, it will be of the international variety. Yes, I know that is much more expensive, but we have a tiny issue in my husband's age. While I am 35, he turns 50 next week. We will therefore be technically ineligible for many kinds of adoption by the end of next week. Going international means that I can adopt as a single person, and he can adopt the child at a later date. Tricky, but we know of two other couples in the same boat that have done it.

Yes, I also realize that we are still eligible to adopt an older child, but I feel strongly that the best fit for our family will be a child younger than our son. Many agencies we've looked at feel the same way, actually, so we would be looking for a child younger than 3 (or 4 depending on when we get started) and by my husband's age, we are ineligible for a child that young.

We're now in what I'm calling the interim period. While my husband thinks about what he feels strongly about doing next, and we have many, many discussions, I'm using this period to work on some other stuff.

I'm trying to work on our relationship - 8 losses in two years takes a big toll.

I'm trying to be a better parent to the child I already have, rather than focusing solely on the future.

I'm working on my freelance career and some art projects that I've put off because trying was taking all my time and energy.

The goal is to have reached a decision about what we are doing next by April or May, so that we can make appointments, look at finances etc, by June. I figure we're in for the long haul no matter which way we choose, so I want to get going.

Strangely, I am so freaking happy to be done with the trying portion of the game that I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know my child is out there - maybe not even born yet, but out there - and we will get there eventually, but it won't be this way. And somehow, after everything we've gone through, this is very comforting.


  1. I know this is going to come off as assvice but I thought i would say it anyway. You might look into adoption through foster care. Your husband's age won't be as much of an issue. It IS possible to adopt infants and young toddlers and best of all, it is free. I am happy you are at a place where you can say you feel done with all the poking and prodding and injections. I know it can't be easy to arrive there.

  2. Also, i am so sorry to read about yet another pregnancy loss.

  3. I'm sorry. :( I hope you and he come to a tranquil agreement on what's next, and that it's a decision you both strongly agree with. Sorry I've been out of the loop, BTW; since switching to WordPress (arrrhhhhhhhh!!!) I cannot seem to set up a blogroll, which means I don't have all my favorite blogs in one place. I'll try to stay more in touch. *hugs*

  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your chemical. I wish you luck in figuring out your next step (or getting your husband on board for the next step).