Saturday, December 15, 2012

Killing Sexy and Burying It In the Back Forty

I had to admit something to my husband today that I've been trying to hide from him for the last several months. All of these repeated miscarriages have completely killed my sex drive.

Think about it, first it seems like every time we have sex, I get pregnant and we lose it. This includes at least three times when we were using contraceptives. So I get scared and start wanting to have, um, sexy times that didn't involve The Act that could get me pregnant.

This in turn led to lots of my husband grumbling and pushing me for something I was scared of. So I start to dread even those "safe" sexy times. Pretty soon I'm just dreading the whole act, which in my mind is linked Dead Babies.

Needless to say this has been taking a toll on our relationship.

So apparently about a month ago, I told him that once I passed ovulation in this cycle (the one before we start trying again, this time with drugs!) that I would relax the barricade a little. I find, however, that now that that time is here, I'm having a hard time doing it.

First of all, this cycle has been so messed up (probably stress) that I'm terrified I'm going to ovulate AGAIN, and since half of our problem is inflammation that causes EVERY fertilized egg to implant, no matter what it's quality, I don't want to take any chances until we've taken some steps to at least TRY to ensure success.

He disagreed.

We fought.

I told him my big ugly secret.

And...things seem to be fine for now. But I wonder what's going to happen to my sex drive (and psyche) if we go through many more losses.

2 comments:

  1. I have not enjoyed sex at all since 2007. For all the reasons you mentioned and more.

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  2. I have had the same issue. It was the two years of failed infertility treatments, failed cycle after failed cycle... Having so much sex JUST for the chance to get pregnant. A little over a year later and I still have no desire to have sex! I am still super attracted to my husband, I think he is so very handsome and all, but that doesn't seem to change things. I'm sure if I actually had a cycle on my own, I'd be just as worried about more miscarriages (our last IUI worked and I got pregnant, but didn't carry to term).

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