Saturday, December 1, 2012

Disruptions and Resumptions

I've practiced yoga for more than 20 years now. I started in high school, and have pretty much practiced continuously since then. Until about a year ago, that is.

After the first couple of miscarriages, I figured it was just, "One of those things". I ate healthy, exercised, had a healthy child; what could be wrong? After a few more, though, I started changing my view.

First I got super, duper healthy with my eating. I. Was. Perfect. Because I was worried that I had accidentally eaten gluten (I have celiac) and that was what was causing the miscarriages. Then I started cutting chemicals out of the house and using only natural products. I kept doing yoga, because I thought it was part of my "healthy lifestyle".

Then I read something linking yoga with miscarriages and in desperation I stopped going. Stopped going to one of the only things in my life that keeps me sane. That I do just for me.

After a few more miscarriages, I swerved the other way for a while. Ate whatever I wanted, didn't exercise. After all, if doing every "perfectly" hadn't worked, why bother? I even gave up on acupuncture after I miscarried after my third round.

Now, after 8 miscarriages and a clean bill of health from the RE, I think I've come full circle again. I've resumed my yoga practice, my normal eating habits and have been attending acupuncture regularly for the last few months.

I think I'm finally at a point where all these losses are no longer disrupting my life; they're just a part of it. And this makes me a little sad, because who wants all this pain to be "normal".

Less than a month until the medicated cycle starts. I'm almost hopeful again.

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